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Its all about me |
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Its all about me |
Pre-production meeting for Charmed staff.
Okay, now everybody has a copy of the next episode shooting script
Brad, I just notice my copy is a little different to Karen’s, have I got the right copy
Yeah well you may notice a few differences. We’re going to find out once and for all who is passing scripts to the kids on the Internet 3 months before the show airs
You mean if a line that is in my script turns up on the Internet, I’m going to get fired
Well some-one in your department is
He fixes the people in the room with a steely gaze
I’m sure no-one here is passing scripts around
Several people in the room start shuffling papers and avoid Brad’s stare. One or two wonder about the possibility of pinching their neighbour’s script and photocopying it. A few people made a mental note of Brad’s habit of leaving his script on the production table over in the sound stage when he is called to deal with a problem.
Brad never could work out why all the spoilers that came out for that episode had the lines out of his script, even the spoilers posted in places where he didn’t leak the story.
Okay, now lets look at these scripts. You can see this episode isn’t focused on any one character. All the girl’s characters get about equal time. Rose and Holly get 27 minutes of screen time and Alyssa gets 32.
Glances are exchanged around
Brad, I thought you said we were going to make sure that those damn kids with stopwatches on the show didn’t get any more ammunition to claim the show was all about Phoebe and Cole
Well Alyssa’s on the floor pretending to be unconscious for five minutes. She has to get an extra 5 minutes screen time just to get the same amount of lines. The kids will work it out when they count them
But I thought you said we were doing everything to stop them getting the scripts
Now the guys, Dorian’s coming in and well we wanted to make sure, every-one knows how much part of the show he is so he’s going to be on screen for 12 minutes and you know how much the fans want to see Belthazar again, so Michael is coming in to do two 3 minute scenes, the dream scenes, one with Cole and one with Phoebe so you can see this is a really balanced script.
Brad glances around the room and notices an expectant silence. He takes a deep breath
Now Brian and Julian, they have …25 minutes screen time each in this episode, more than half the show
Brad slams his folder of papers shut. He looks up. People are awkwardly shuffling papers, people are stealing glances at each other, some are moving like they want to speak.
Well any-one got any comments
People glance at each other. Finally director Joel, coughs as if he is going to speak. Every-one heaves a collective sigh of relief. Joel has been around along time. Brad won’t take his head off.
Brad I just feel I gotta say it
Brad sighs. He knows its coming
Brad, Just so I get this right. This is an ensemble episode where every-one gets equal time.
Julian’s gonna be really pissed.
As Brad stalks out , his first assistant follows him. Brad turns on her
Its because Julian’s Australian
The first assistant tries to placate Brad.
Brad, you say you like working with Australians. You keep hiring them, look at the Mandalor brothers and that Marcus Graham guy from season 2
Brad glares at her
Brad you always say when the aussies are on the set, they are real easy to get on with, when they are on the set, no primma donna..
Brad’s glare turns to steel.
All right, all right, I know. Julian’s gonna be really pissed
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Costume Department, the day before shooting starts. Holly her hair still ruffled from pulling clothes on and off walks over to the counter where Alyssa and Rose are having a cup of coffee.
Jeez it didn’t take you guys long to do costume try-outs
Costume, what costume, I think those damn writers got a word fixation on naked this episode. It’s the code word.
Code word
Yeah code word like faction, or secret or choice. Makes the writers feel really clever.
Yeah I know you got into your contract you don’t have to, but I gotta ask Holly, if you got it into your contract that you don’t have to flash skin, how come you do it more than Lyssie and me put together-
Because I don’t have to of course. Flash it because some-one pays you and you’re a whore. Flash it because you chose to and you’re a great actress-
Holly smirks a little as Brian leaves the other dressing rooms and joins them. Just as he approaches, they all hear an Australian voice in the dressing room.
Mate it I’m telling you it doesn’t sit right, Cole just doesn’t wrinkle.
Don’t worry. We’ll make allowances, we can fix it
What’s she doing in there
Checking out how Julian dresses I guess
Julian’s doing costume check in there, isn’t he just wearing his usual black suits this episode
Nah, seeing they did not have to spend much on you girls, all that naked stuff, Cole is getting a whole new wardrobe this episode.
And Julian is he ?
Is he really ?
-Yeah Julian’s really pissed-
The four of them all look at each other and burst into hysterical laughter
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Brad, you do quite a number of interviews promoting yourself.. promoting Charmed but sometimes I have heard you described as cryptic. Do you ever wonder if the fans, if people ever misunderstand, perhaps misinterpret what you say about the show.
I think I make it very clear what I mean, when I talk about the show the, fans people understand me. They know where I am coming from. They know I call it as I see it.
First assistant sitting in the interview sighs and lets her mind wander back to the last budget conference
Last Budget Conference
Brad
Well we are cutting costs, you know all the little things add up. Just look what we have been saving on laundering sheets for the bedroom scenes with Cole and Phoebe this season. Do you know what it cost us with those sheets getting so messy in each take?
What do you mean saving money, laundering sheets.
Well since we decided that seeing everybody knows, just to go with it, I mean its not like its freaky or sick or even unnatural. hell some people might even think it was religious, we haven’t had to change the sheets every take, we just keep using the same ones. Its there it’s a fact, what’s the use of pretending it isn’t
I don’t think we need discuss that. What we are interested in is saving is big money.
Big money, man I gotta tell you those two have never done a bedroom scene in less than 4 hours and twenty takes. Its not just laundering sheets, it’s the time it takes to make the bed up again and reset the lighting and redo the makeup and get the actors back on the set and…..
I just don’t think we need to really count that as a saving. Perhaps we can talk about this later.
As the accountant leaves.
Call me naive but I just don’t think those money guys understand how to make TV shows. I keep explaining it’s a fantasy but God the way he’s fussing, about sex between Phoebe and Cole, well its like he can’t tell what’s real and what’s not. You’d think Julian and Alyssa were really having it on, instead of acting-
Gee Brad, call you naïve. Me, never. You would think that they would be happy that one small decision, such as not putting makeup all over Alyssa’s tattoos can save so much money.
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Brad rushing along the corridor crashes straight into Julian,
Oh Julian. Damn. I mean hi. Hows things. I mean. Working okay.
Didn’t you get my messages?
Well you know, Julian running a show like Charmed, you know busy all that.
Brad, you gotta know I’m really pissed. Brad we talked about this after Muse. Brad I told you how I feel about being in the background all the time
Julian sometimes we just have to put the show ahead of our own career choices. Well Julian you just have to understand what’s good for the show
Is good for you?
Its not like it’s in your contract
Brad I thought we agreed. You agreed. I trusted you
Brad hangs his head
Brad I gotta tell you. I’m really pissed
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Episode shooting
Day 2. Scene 19. Phoebe’s bed. The morning after. Cole and Phoebe are lying in bed, discussing the importance of technique in magic. (Note to director: just make sure Julian smirks enough so the over 18’s know they are not really talking about magic)
Take 22.
Julian I have to tell you. The smirk is just not working this week.
Well its bloody hard to smirk when you are feeling pissed.
Dammit Julian quite wriggling, every time you move we have to rearrange the sheet.
The assistants move into rearrange the sheet, very low over Julian’s hips and carefully covering Alyssa’s breasts
Rose’s next scene is to run into Phoebe’s bedroom and have her short nightie fall off, so it will only take 3 seconds to change into costume. Bored with waiting for Julian and Alyssa to get the scene right, she comes out from her caravan wearing thick track pants, a sweater and a cardigan. She wanders over to where Holly is sitting watching the scene. Holly’s next scene is to go into Phoebe’s bedroom fully dressed, see a naked Paige and demand what the hell is going on, She is in costume, wearing jeans and a blue tee shirt. Under the tee shirt she has a padded bra and on top she has a very thick parker.
Its freezing in here. What’s up with these people-
Holly sighs and indicates the nearly naked Alyssa under the sheet. Her nipples are clearly exposed through the sheet.
How long have you worked in Hollywood-
Rose grins. She gestures to Alyssa.
I can never workout why some of the fans confuse this show with reality
What?
Well that’s something I always do. Don’t you?
Uhh
Well don’t you always hide your breasts from the guy you just had sex with
Back in the bed, Julian glances down at Alyssa. He notices that he nipples are jutting hard against the satin sheet. He wriggles uncomfortably, then realises Joel is glaring at him. He sees an assistant standing by
Hey can’t you turn the air conditioning down.
Julian, can it. We all know you’re hot
Julian smirks.
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Piper is busy preparing and chopping food. Phoebe is drinking coffee, standing next to Cole who is sitting on the kitchen table slightly out of the family circle in the background but with his hand on Phoebe’s thigh, at the regulation 10.57 centimetres above the knee the censor allows for 8.00pm shows. Paige comes into the room. The Charmed Ones discuss the latest demon attack. Piper has a really good line about sisters and how glad she is that she can choose her friends, Paige gets to make a crack about Cole.
Leo orbs in. The scene has to be redone several times because of problems getting Rose’s bra straps to fall out of her very skimpy top, at exactly the right angle.
But you know we are producing a quality show here, it’s the little things that count, that show we care, all the scenes have to match.
Joel nods in a way that might say he agrees but may just be sheer exasperation.
Alyssa hearing this conversation, blushes. She hopes that no-one notices that she forgot to change out of the ug boots into the 5 inch heel boots for the fight scene yesterday. She comforts herself by the thought that Charmed is only a Spelling show. Its not as if the fans would re-watch a Spelling show so many times they would pick every blooper.
Julian seeing the blush, realises his hand has slipped up her thigh higher than the 10.57 centimetres above the knee the censor allows for 8.00pm shows. He mutters –Sorry- and slides his hand back to regulation height of 10.57 centimetres. Alyssa sighs.
They film the scene again. Cole stays in the background his hand on Phoebe’s thigh at the regulation 10.57 centimetres above the knee the censor allows for 8.00 pm shows. Paige’s bra strap fails to fallout and they have to film again. The next take Holly slices her finger with the knife, they clean up the blood and start again. In the next take, Brian fluffs the movement between the orb and pecking Piper. Julian as Cole stays in the background, his hand on Phoebe’s thigh at the regulation 10.57 centimetres above the knee the censor allows for 8.00pm shows.
In the next take Alyssa says her lines okay but has a continuity problem because she picked up the coffee cup in the wrong hand. Julian as Cole, stays in the background his hand on Phoebe’s thigh at the regulation 10.57 centimetres above the knee the censor allows for 8.00pm shows. They film the scene again.
They finally manage to film a take where Piper does not cut herself with the knife, Paige’s bra strap slips at the right time, Leo orbs in and moves toward Piper in the right order and Phoebe gets the coffee cup in the correct hand. And Cole is in the background.
In all the all the takes, Julian is sitting on the table, getting more and more pissed because Cole is in the background. Fortunately as Cole is supposed to be pissed in the scene, no-one takes much notice. However in the last take, Julian is so busy thinking how pissed he is that his hand accidentally slides up Alyssa’s thigh so that instead of being 10.57 centimetres from Alyssa’s knee, it is somewhat less than 10.57 centimetres from Alyssa’s crotch.
When the episode is shown, no-one notices that Piper uses
the knife correctly, Phoebe drinks the coffee using the correct hand, Leo orbs
in and moves to Piper in the right order and Paige’s bra strap slips at the
right time. However all reviewers, Internet poster’s and people who ring the
television stations notice that Cole’s hand was somewhat less than 10.57
centimetres from Phoebe’s crotch rather than the10.57 centimetres above the
knee the censor allows for 8.00pm shows.
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Day 6. Scene 25. The Hall in the manor.
Piper, Paige and Phoebe are discussing the latest demon attack.
Leo orbs in to explain why the Elders want the demon vanquished. Cole shimmers in to explain why this is not a good idea. He thinks vanquishing a Kris Kringle demon may destroy the Christmas spirit. Phoebe idly wonders why Kris Kringle demons only attack in December. Piper does not answer.
Piper is wearing grey leather pants, and a pale blue top with shell sleeves, that has a v neck which has shows a hint of boob outline. Paige is wearing orange jeans and a deep pink boob tube and as usual her nipples are clearly defined through the boob tube. Phoebe wears a green floral floor length skirt that barely covers her G-string, but clearly show Alyssa’s tattoo. Her top is a sleeveless cream affair with a scoop neck and is short enough to show all her midriff. She is clearly wearing a wonder bra as her boobs are falling out of the top.
Leo when he orbs in is wearing, jeans, a tee shirt, a sweater and a red flannel shirt. Cole when he shimmers in, is wearing a black suit, over a red long sleeved shirt, over a clearly outlined singlet. In the conversation that follows, Phoebe asks Leo and Cole why they are wearing so many clothes, when the girls have barely any. Leo notes that he has to orb through clouds where it is fifty degrees centigrade below freezing and besides it is December in San Francisco and any-one with any brains would wear warm cl… but he does not finish the sentence.
Cole says he used to live in hell where he got used to a warmer climate, and besides it is December in San Francisco and any-one with any brains would wear warm clo..but he does not finish the sentence.
During this scene, with the air conditioning on the set, Rose’s nipples are protruding more and more, Alyssa wonder bra is excelling itself and even Holly’s breasts are becoming quite clearly outlined. Julian and Brian, being the gentlemen they are manage to keep their eyes on their colleague’s faces through the whole scene. However both cannot resist a quick glance downward as director Joel calls cut.
Julian and Brian walk back to their dressing room together. Julian nods toward the girls.
You know Brian, even though I am really pissed off about this episode I gotta to say there are some good things about working on this show.
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Day 8 Scene 12, 17, 27, 30 .On Location
A Park in San Francisco. (It’s really in LA but the viewing audience is to dumb to know palm trees don’t grow in San Francisco.)
There are four scenes to be done in this location. They are all short and for the most part filming goes well. Cole to Julian’s annoyance is in the background of 2 of the scenes and has a couple of lines in the last scene of the day. But none of the scenes are really about Cole.
The first scene is scheduled for 9.00 a. Cole shimmers in, punches out a demon and shimmers out with Phoebe. It ought to be simple but because Cole was beaten up in the last scene, Julian has to be in makeup by 7.00a.m, and on the set at 8.00am for rehearsal. Dorian who was also in the last scene where Darryl and Cole were beaten up, and in this one is in the makeup trailer with Julian.
I hate early starts especially if you had to be here all day doing stuff that isn’t important to the story. You’d be pissed off if you were me.
Jules, you know I like you, but I gotta tell you I ain’t the person to grip to about doings scenes that are nothing to do with the plot just ‘cause I got a contract. Did you ever see Charmed and Dangerous, Black as Cole.
Of course I saw Black as Cole. It was all about m… Oops mate. I’m sorry. This is a rough profession.
That’s okay. I know you care, I know you suffer too.
Julian sighs
I mean after getting that
wax job on the Other Half, I know how you suffer.
I don’t wax, I clip
You clip your back?
Don’t piss me off
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Day 11 Scene 12. The Mausoleum
Cole confronts Belthezor in a dream
Michael Bailey Smith as Belthezor is in full red makeup. He has been at the studio since 4.00 am sitting in the makeup chair. Because the scene is done shirtless, Michael has to have body makeup. The set is air conditioned to its usual 55 degrees Farenheit because the girls will be filming later that afternoon. All the crew are wearing thick sweaters. Michael shivers. Julian arrived at 9.00 am. He put on his black suit and had his eyebrows waxed while drinking coffee.
It is now 10.00 a.m and they are ready to film.
It is only a short scene but, there are some complicated camera angles, and it takes a huge effort to get the scenes right, and a number of takes. In one complicated scene Julian gets all his lines and marks right but at the end, as Michael moves into view they decide, the position isn’t right and they have to refilm all of it.
Because Michael knows just how hard it is to do these scenes, he walks up to Julian as the lighting is being redone
Sorry about having to redo the whole thing just to get Belthezor right. Hope it does not piss you off to much
Pissed off. Hell no. I know the show depends on every one getting it right. I know it’s not all about me
Director Joel hears this conversation. He wonders if this is as good a time as any.
Julian. I thought you should know. You gotta be here for the scene this afternoon. They want Cole in the background.
The show is about 3 women who happen to be witches
And their partners, Jules
Who have to stay in the background
We want it to look like a family. Just don’t do anything to distract attention from the girls
Okay Joel. But I’m really pissed off
They filmed the afternoon scene in the parlour set. And Julian didn’t even say he was pissed off. He didn’t have to. Holly seeing him waiting in the background walks up
Gotta share another scene Jules. Bet you’re really pissed off
Julian true to his word made sure he did nothing to steal attention from the girls. Cole sat on the sofa arm, keeping his eyes fixed on Phoebe. However Alyssa thought that instead of Phoebe putting her hand on Cole’s chest, it would be cute if she fiddled with his top shirt button. She undid it during the scene, revealing a small amount of Julian’s chest hair.
When the show was aired, to the delight of some fans and the annoyance of others, this scene was generally considered to be all about Cole.
Day 13 . Final filming. Scene
33.
All five actors are sitting on the sofa in the P3 set. The girls pretend to sip from straws, Brian and Julian are having to actually drink the water from the martini glasses. Both have carefully noted just how far the bathroom is from the set, just in case they get to 20 takes of the scene.
After 10 takes, Brain and Julian are making pretty regular runs from the set.
Brian looking at the Perrier bottles with straws that the girls are pretending to drink from
I swear to god, my next contract is going to have Leo drinking out of bottles and sipping through straws.
Why do you think I made them write into the show that Paige was a recovering alcoholic even though they have hardly used the storyline since
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The last scene is finally filmed. Four of the five stars lean back on the chairs, tired, worn out, to exhausted to move. Julian gets up and immediately walks to the back of the set where he greets a visitor wearing a Sydney or bust T shirt. The others watch him go.
I hate these scripts where everybody gets equal screen time. They’re just damned hard work. What’s wrong with Brad? He knows its so much easier when Lyssie gets one show, and the rest of us get a break, then Holly gets one and then I get one. Brian gets tons of screen time when Holly has the main story. No-one’s complaining. Every-one gets the same in the end
Except Julian
We all get equal time in the end but we all get a break. Its only when Brad gets on this keeping all the fans happy all the time kick we have a problem, How in the hell are any of us going to make it to the end of the season, getting this tired every episode. Every-one gets the same in the end, when we take turns doing the main story.
Except Julian. He usually doesn’t get anything like the screen time the rest of us get.
Well these damned ensemble shows only ever happen when Brad goes playing around on the Internet and sees all the fans grizzling over which one of us the show is really about. God I wish they would shut up or some-one would delete that Three Sisters internet site from Brad’s favourites file on his computer
Why don’t you tell the fans to quit grizzling about how many scenes you get in each episode?
How
Mom’ll give you some Internet space to tell them. Do you want me to ask her?
Holly looks away embarrassed.
Alyssa relenting. She nods her head to where Julian is in earnest conversation with his mate.
Well there are some good things about ensemble shows.
You know I did not think he could stay that pissed for the whole two weeks.
Yeah well, we got pissed, more pissed and really pissed.
All he kept talking about was if they could give him this much screen time in this episode, they could bloody well do it every episode.
Good job guys. You gotta know how much I appreciate how much work you put in. I know you guys always put in 200 percent I know how hard it was, doing an episode like this.
Director Joel glances over to where Julian is talking to his Sydney mate.
Julian was really pissed wasn’t he?
Brian and Holly and Alyssa and Rose and Joel all burst into hysterical laughter.
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In a corner of the sound stage, Julian is talking to his Sydney mate
Jules mate I gotta tell you, I’m really disappointed. I believed you when you told me how big your role was on this show. And I get here and find you are doing equal time with the other four stars. All we ever hear in Oz is that the show is all about you.
I know but I swear I wasn’t lying about how big my role is. If you had come any other time you would see for yourself. Having to have equal time with the others isn’t usual. I tell you I was really pissed when I saw the script and I made sure they all knew.
You know Jule’s, mate, you’re a legend at home. I know your dad was PM and your mum lives in Double Bay, but because we know how you have made it in LA, working every aussie ‘s dream, we reckon you’re the real thing, a true blue bloke. You said you’ve done what every aussie dreams of doing. Mate, we believed you, but that is not what I‘m seeing.
Mate, you’re my mate. Would I lie to a mate? I swear, they pay me enough money to buy a million dollar house in Hollywood Hills. I usually work maybe 2 days out of 14, do maybe 4scenes and then I go surfing while everybody else works their arses off. But when the show is seen, all any-one ever notices on the show is me. Everybody, all the fans, all the critics, say the show is all about me.
Julian’s Sydney mate looks a little doubtful but then because he knows a mate would never lie to a mate, he really believes him. Julian McMahon, expatriate aussi actor really has achieved the Australian dream- A job that pays him huge amounts of money, to do a tenth of the work of everybody else, yet gets him all the acclaim and he can still go surfing 12 days out of 14.
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